Letter to my husband

I wish I were you sometimes. Then I wouldn’t of had to connect at all with our baby that was growing inside me. I wouldn’t of let myself feel anything at all. I could of said it was meant to be and moved on with my life. I could of went and distracted myself with my other life of fantasy and justifying to myself why I deserved this. I could of told myself what a selfish partner I had and how we didn’t have sex anymore so that meant I could do whatever I wanted to. No harm in that right. I could of told myself how it didnt matter how i treated my daughters mother because I loved her unconditionally. Even if I wasn’t present on a day or two here and there in our holiday, on the days where the little things matter most. I wouldn’t tell myself how I was cheating her too. Those little things on these days I spent with another I won’t regret right? I won’t look back in 10 years from now and wish I saw her frolicking in the waves and wish I’d relished every moment. Instead I was entertaining a whore.