7 week ultrasound 

7 week ultrasound is complete! I saw a tiny fluttering heart beat at 124 bpm and is measuring 7 weeks and 2 days. The relief I feel already is immense. The sonographer said it all looks as it should but reminded me it’s early days.
I found this website (see link below) with a fair bit of detail pertaining to miscarriage rates by age and gestational period. It’s pretty interesting. According to that research my miscarriage rate now goes down from 30% to around 10% after a heart beat is detected. Those numbers aren’t too bad.
Lies, Damned Lies, and Miscarriage Statistics
Thanks again for all your support ladies. I really appreciate all your thoughts xx

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There’s the truth

My minds a buzz with so many conflicting thoughts lately. Exhausting! I’m driving myself crazy worrying over this pregnancy. 
There’s the truth.
I marvel at how relaxed and nonchalant I was during my pregnancy with my daughter. Nothing fazed me. I’m a different person now. 
The pain of my miscarriage has resurfaced. I’m exactly at the time now that my miscarriage occurred. Every time I go to the loo I check for blood. Every cramp I analyse. I keep checking in on my nausea and wonder if it’s still there. I truly don’t know if I could cope if that was to happen again. The intensity of the happiness I feel deep in my gut is frightening. When I do allow myself to feel that happiness. I’m so frightened of losing it that I won’t allow myself to fully realise it. 
I know I must have faith right. God has a master plan for all of us. Part of me can’t believe that finally something good is coming my way. It’s been so long. Something good. My heart needs that. 
First 7 week ultrasound in 3 more sleeps. I want it to be here but I don’t. Praying for good news xx🙏

5 week feels 

So I’m currently 5 weeks 3 days pregnant. My anxiety levels are still high. I just want confirmation that everything is ok. I really want to enjoy this pregnancy.
I’ve been feeling a bit of nausea. Nothing too extreme just like my stomach is empty as soon as I finish eating and I get a sick feeling like I need to eat again. Been drinking lots of ginger tea to help settle my stomach and my bet is its made worse by the anxious feeling I have. I have been welcoming the nausea though as I’ve read that it’s a good sign for a viable pregnancy. I actually read somewhere that for women aged 35+ signs of nausea decreases the average miscarriage rate to 1/5 of the average rate. So that’s promising right?
Counting down to our first ultrasound. It’s at 7 weeks so 2 weeks and counting. My husband is away on business so won’t be there with me which isn’t ideal.
I her finding myself projecting my thoughts into the future. Then i freak out and snap myself back to the here and now. Amazing isn’t it the lengths we go to protect our precious hearts.
I’m wondering if I’ll start to feel like I’m just a normal person again. One with hope for the future, with a feeling of peace and with the ability to trust myself and others and truly enjoy life again. I feel so different to the me of a few years back. I feel so battle weary that I fear sometimes that I won’t find my way back to the old me. Maybe there is no way back and maybe that’s the point of it all.

4 weeks 6 days 

I’m in a weird place right now. I’m pregnant but I still feel exactly the same tug and pull of emotions as I have during this whole IVF process. I’m only allowing myself to feel a little happy over this pregnancy as the other half of my brain is in protest telling me not to get too excited yet. 
The excited part of me has calculated the due date and casually scrolled through baby name lists. The worried part of me cringes everytimr somebody asks me how our last IVF cycle went. I can’t lie to my friends but truthfully I am reluctant to tell people at this early stage through fear of what might happen. I say something like ‘yes we got a positive but it’s early days.’ I can see they are as shocked at my news as I am. Then I start to think that at least if it turns out to not be a viable pregnancy I will have support from friends that I didn’t have so much before with our previous loss. I just feel raw, vulnerable and exposed. 
I’m wishing away all the weeks till we hit the 12 week mark. Then I can breath, get excited and share our news with confidence. 

A positive!!! 

Oh my goodness!! I just emailed the clinic with my pictures of the testing results and they messaged back saying that I’m definitely pregnant! I’m in shock! Can’t believe it!
They said they’ll send me details of how to book in for my ultrasound. Someone pinch me!!
It Father’s Day today too. I feel like I’ve woken up to a dream today. Going to enjoy this moment and keep my worries about it all aside for now xx

Input needed! 

So here is my guilty secret haha been testing early of course. Here’s a shot of my results of 8, 9 and 10 days post 3 day transfer. I took the trigger shot 38 hours prior.
Someone please put me out of my misery! Do you think this is still the trigger left over? I tested all three tests with my first urine of the day.
Driving myself a little crazy!! Input please ladies xx

It’s the ray of hope that hurts…

So I did it, I tested early today. Transfer was a week ago yesterday which I think makes it 8 days post 3 days transfer. I shouldn’t of done it as I know the trigger injection could still very well be in my system. It would of been around the same time that I tested last time and got a false positive.

2 faint lines showed up and now I’m annoyed with myself…shouldn’t of done that! It’s the little ray of hope that has now sprung that kills me.

Aarghhhh