Different planets 

So the drama that has become my life continues…
I finally have the whores itinerary in my hot little hands. It looks legit but who can be sure. I’ve had to ask hubby twice for it so it’s taken just over a week. In the end he actually had it at home on the sideboard but hadn’t given it to me yet. This pissed me off. Makes me feel that my feelings about this are not important to him. He says that we didn’t have the appropriate time to talk about it. Different planets. 
He had to go to her and ask for the itinerary and he says she stated that she was uncomfortable about it. Seriously! She had the audacity to think she’s uncomfortable. Seriously unbelievable. Does she not realise how relatively comfortable I’ve allowed her to remain considering everything that’s happened? Does her husband know what a whore she is? Her boss? Her family and friends? I really want to message her a response to that comment but I know it will get me nowhere. 
I asked about the message I found on his phone which was him sending her a tourist guide to one of the cities she was visiting on her trip. My argument was that is was unnecessary contact. Let her find her own damn way around the country. I said that by him contacting her when it’s not an absolute necessity it’s inviting further interaction and leaves the door open to a reunion of sorts down the track. He can’t leave his options open if that is is intention. He says he’s sorry and there was no intention behind it and didn’t realise I would be so upset about it. 
I asked him if he loved her then or now and he said no. I want to believe him. I told him that if his heart isn’t in a reconciliation between us then we should just call it quits. He feels like we are going around in cycles. He said he doesn’t know how to make it better and to help me and I suggested for one that he not take 2 weeks to reassure me on something that has upset me and caused me to be suspicious. I suggested not to let me mull over things. If he cares he would clarify the situation straight away wouldn’t you. 
He says he sees the changes I’m making and the effort that I’m putting in to us but he’s wondering why now and why not before all this shit happened. I’m not sure of why not before. For one he was impossible to talk to. Our discussions would go nowhere and resolve nothing and it still feels a bit the same. I suppose our communication wasn’t clear in really knowing what he wanted and how he feels. He said he felt listened to and appreciated by the whore and he says he still doesn’t feel that from me even now. I reminded him the walls he put up over the past few years which made this almost impossible. He says he thought that me doing all the things he had wanted in the past would make him happy but he’s not sure it will. I reminded him that it’s a two way street and I’m trying to meet him half way here. In the end regardless of the problems in our marriage he’s the one that went outside the marriage and blew any trust we had. He doesn’t get to wallow in his resentment towards me. It’s weird no matter how much he talks about how badly he thinks I’ve treated him and how he eventually gave up and checked out of the marriage I still can’t see he has a valid reason for it. My view is that he sees no value in me being home and caring for our daughter for her first five years. He sees this time as time that I havent contributed either financially or practically to him and the family. I was working casually partly to give myself some adult time away from the home. It was never going to be a big contribute towards out finances. He says he felt overloaded and says it was his issue was never about financial issues rather support of him. He doesn’t understand that I struggled with post natal depression throughout. He doesn’t get that when he went off to work I was at home with a baby with sleeping and feeding problems. He doesn’t get how overwhelmed I felt by it all. He doesn’t get how losing two pregnancies has broken my heart in two and at times has made me not want to go on. He doesn’t see how when I needed him the most he decided to check out of the marriage. Maybe we were both so involved in our own problems that we didn’t have the capacity to show the other support. I dont know. I know you dont need a valid reason for falling out of love but you do to hold resentment like he’s holding still towards me. 

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5 thoughts on “Different planets 

  1. (You are literally living my 2016. If you have time, please do go through some of my old posts, and you would feel the similarity.)

    I am glad you finally had the itinerary. He was “uncomfortable” to ask her for it, and “uncomfortable” giving it to you…I am sure he is finally living his man goals.

    If he did not know her exact whereabouts, how was he able to suggest/recommend tour guides? It means that even if they were not together, he was in communication with her, and was caring for her well-being. What a considerate man!

    I think the fact that they are still co-workers complicates things.

    “Why now and not before”? Well, you don’t hose a garden in advance. You hose it when it is dried.

    But my husband has asked the exact same thing. And I completely get what you are saying. Yes, he may feel financially overloaded, but he has completely ciphered the contribution you were making for the family with your precious time, efforts and massive sleep deprivation. He could say he was tired because he had a long day at work, could you make the same excuse?

    The whores are always an oasis…there is careless abandon, no responsibilities, no taxes, no need to host nerve-grating guests, no insurance, no nothing…but sweet little treats. My husband did not see my exhaustion after our surviving daughter was born, and did not stay home at all or take offs before she was born. What the hell does he know?

    Please please take care of yourself. I am glad that you verbalized your angst. It is very important for them to know.

    Please document every thing, and keep back ups…maybe create a separate mail account for this.

    Plus, if your husband told the OW why he needed the itinerary, would the OW share the genuine itinerary?

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I think what St. Elsewhere is great advice, document everything and maybe keep a separate mail account.

    It’s sad to read how little he appears to understand you or your loss, it was his loss too. Sometimes it feels men can just flip a switch on emotion,

    Take care of yourself and your daughter. I am thinking of you!

    Liked by 1 person

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