Just the way we are wired…

Had another individual therapy session today. We spoke about why I’m drinking and what feeling I’m trying to push away. It’s a feeling of sadness and abandonment. It’s the coming to terms with what I thought my future might look like and the distinct possibility of it being without him. I said that I felt foolish for believing in us all this time and he said it’s not foolish it’s just how women are wired. He didn’t even think forward at all with regards to how this would affect his family. I can’t understand it. 
I got a job. Just on weekends at this stage working in furniture retail. Not my dream job but it’s close to home. My therapist cautioned me about my husbands possible motive being that I work so I become less of a financial drain on him should we split and he wouldn’t have to pay as much maintenance. I have certainly thought about this scenario but am thinking me working 14 hours shouldn’t make much of a difference? If anyone out there has any experience on this thoughts would be appreciated as I havent had any legal advice yet. This isn’t the way I want to be thinking but my therapist cautioned that I would wise to keep that possibility in mind as he doesn’t know what my husbands motives are as he can’t read him and he hasn’t opened up really in therapy. I’m glad I’m not the only one trying to second guess my husbands motives. 
He also said that if he can’t become emotionally available to me then he might suggest individual counselling for him. 
I have a feeling a big talk will be had when he gets home regardless. 

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4 thoughts on “Just the way we are wired…

  1. I want to talk in bullet points…

    1. Whatever your husband’s motives, working outside the house is good for you…it would lead to confidence, and some financial independence.

    2. I seeked out my legal options on a particular legal forum. It was anonymous, but I got a few great pointers on what needed to be done to safeguard myself. Also, if I walked out on the ground of adultery, I would be the winning party in any case. I want you to explore your legal options by talking to/posting anonymously on any legal aid forum, if you must.

    3. Curtail your drinking. Sorry for saying it like that. I want you to not take shelter in the alcohol.

    4. You are in a limbo. You don’t know if and when you will walk out the marriage. Is your husband in limbo too?

    5. Please do not rush into any decision. Your husband made bad choices, but your choices have to be more calculated.

    6. Please take care.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. That’s a great idea about the forums. I’m looking at one now. Thank you.
      My husband is very hard to read so I don’t know if hes in limbo or not. He’s very closed with me and in therapy. The trust is gone so I don’t feel like I can take his word on anything and I keep feeling like he has an ulterior motive. I feel as though he’s trying to smooth things over and get me back on my feet so that he can leave and not feel so guilty and not be so financially burdened. Could just be my insecurity. I really don’t know and neither does out therapist.

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      1. It is not insecurity. It is your intuition kicking in. Please stay alert to your own sixth sense. Your husband closing down is also not a good thing.

        Your daughter needs her dad, but dad needs to a family guy too. Please be careful. It is possible he is pushing you to the job to reduce the financial support he may have to incur later. Please do take legal advice, and get your ducks in a row. Is the other woman still in the picture?

        Please document everything about the affair, so that you can use it later.

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  2. When my husband asked for a divorce while in his affair I sought legal advice and spoke to an attorney who didn’t charge me for a consult. In our state as long as I didn’t have sex with my husband after learning of the affair I would be the winning party and could divorce him on the grounds of infidelity. Once I had sex with him that would be null and void and would be irreconcilable differences. And because their affair started in Mississippi I could sue her for alienation of affection, even though her nor us live there. I thought this was interesting.
    I would definitely talk to an attorney and get information about specifics in your state.
    I definitely agree with all that was said above. Your choice must be more calculated. Take care. (((Hugs)))

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