Trying to get past it all

Things I keep thinking about and am struggling to come to terms with;
– he said that he wished I had someone like the whore to talk to

– they both acted like I was ridiculous because I was still taking my prenatal vitamins over Xmas. 

– he told her he doesn’t even pretend to care about me anymore

– he messaged her minutes after I was wheeled in to have my termination

– he left me in the hospital for my mum to collect to go see her

– they said that they’d both never had sex like they had together

– he bought her lingerie for Xmas

– they talked about the same sexual acts that we shared

– he complimented her on how talented she was at blow jobs

– he was planning a holiday with her over Xmas 

– he later said he hadn’t thought about how he was going to explain that to our daughter
I want these thoughts to go away but the reality is they are etched in my mind forever. Time will tell whether I can get past all this. 

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20 thoughts on “Trying to get past it all

  1. Omg I am fuming for you! It sounds like he was done! I’m so sorry you have to live with those things. Please tell me you have now considered telling her husband, please! I know you don’t want to free her up for them to be together but you need to know he is with you because he wants to be not because he can’t be with someone else. Because in fact if that’s what he wants then it is only a matter of time. I wish I could shake him by the shoulders! (Tempered that down so as not to post violent threats online!)

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    1. I have definitely considered it, among other very vengeful things, believe me. My husband would most likely lose his job which would be bad right now as he is paying two mortgages for the family. At least until we lease our old one after renovations etc.
      I will at some stage inform her husband about it though. I want my conscience clear. It will just have to be when it doesn’t affect our livelihood as much.
      Haha very tempered down threat! Thanks for your support xx

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    1. I never would of thought this would happen to me in the first place 😟 I swing between feeling very foolish for staying and then I feel a slither of hope that we can work it out. It’s shitty either way

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  2. Those words certainly sting. I would “assume” the sexual lingo they shared was probably more part of the thrill of the actual act then actual real feelings. Like how naughty do you feel being told you give good blow jobs. It probably acted like a turn on for them to say those kinds of things and I think anyone who cheats probably feels that way. (not saying its an excuse, I’m just saying, she probably isn’t that amazing at blow jobs or the sex probably wasn’t that extraordinary) Its more the actions like leaving your during the termination, or the making comments about you and how he feels about you that are even more upsetting to me.

    Well.. no.. that’s not true. The whole thing is still upsetting for me and I can’t imagine how you are dealing. Overall the entire thing is just so disgusting and ultimately only you can know how far you can go. Just remember, everyone deserves the best in life and deserves to be loved and shown compassion. (I’m stretching that these two would fit within my scope of everyone, but more importantly, I want to stress that YOU deserve love and compassion and to feel like its unconditional and pure)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you dearest lady. Your comment made me smile 😊. Yes his comments about me are the more hurtful I admit but it all adds up to a massive blow to my sense of self. Sigh.
      Getting there one day at a time and striving to remember that I’m deserving. Thank you so much for the lovely reminder x

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  3. Seriously, if I could erase my mind of all the things I know and saw, id be a happier (and better) person. Its not fair that we have to feel less than. I’ve made it my priority to try everything i can to empower my self and make myself feel good about me. It isnt easy, but its what we have to do. We have got to love ourselves before we can let someone else love us!
    You are such a strong woman. You can get through this. You can be happy again!

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  4. Ugh! I have no words for the things that are troubling you. Darn sure they could hurt any wife especially if she is struggling with infertility side by side. I hope God leads you to the best way and makes it all a good ending for you and your family. My daily prayers are with you! Xx

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