Can’t shake this feeling

My husband really wants me to start working again as he wants me to contribute to the household and he thinks that it will be good to help me take my mind off everything. We are also currently paying two montages so the extra money would be helpful. The fact remains though that he dived into the purchase of this house knowing full well the effects on us financially. He also knew that I haven’t been working and am struggling. 
He’s never been supportive of what I do for a living these past 6 years or so. I’m in the fitness industry which has been predominantly part time work which doesn’t bring in a lot of money but has worked fairly well while my daughter was little. 
During ivf this past year I found I lost a lot of my confidence in my job. I put on weight, lost my motivation and found it hard to motivate clients and my classes. I havent worked since November last year. With everything that has been happening I find myself feeling stretched day to day as it is. The emotional turmoil of the pregnancy loss and my husbands betrayal along with moving house has left me feeling fairly exhausted. I’m asking myself if it would be a good idea for me to throw myself into a job. I don’t think I want to stay in fitness as I want something business hours so I still get to spend lots of time with my daughter. I’m thinking about going back into interior design which is what I did before I had a career change. I feel anxious though thinking about it. My confidence in all areas has taken a dive of late. 
I know I can’t wallow forever and at some point I have to look forward and not back. It’s just so damn hard at the moment. 
I keep asking myself if I’m dragging the chain and burdening him with the financial stress. I dont want to do that but I can’t seem to shake myself free of these heavy feelings. 

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6 thoughts on “Can’t shake this feeling

  1. With everything you are going through I don’t think it’s fair that you have to start worrying about a job. I lost my baby and my job twice, I have to work because we can’t make it with just my husband’s paycheck, and it is horrible. I want to cry all the time, but I keep going, and I’m afraid one day I’m just going to explode. It may help to take your mind off of everything, but if you still need time to heal, then I would take that time. Your husband should be more understanding, especially after what he has done to you.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I don’t think you should worry about burdening your husband but i do wonder if you getting a job might give you some independence from everything that is going on. Financially to stand on your own (regardless of your husband) might not be a bad idea and may help to build confidence, just going out there into the world again.

    Also if you find you start again and the stress is too much – you can always walk away. That’s the worst that will happen, you have to quit the job – that’s ok.

    Regardless of what you do, trust your gut xx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you Hun. I agree I would like to have a job that I enjoy at least part time. I know it’s time to find myself again after devoting myself pretty much solely to our daughter for the past five years. You make a great point that if it doesn’t work out I can just walk away.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. He wants you to start working on the advice of cheater-sympathizers, including the OW.

    If you’re working, he won’t have to pay you alimony. Fuck that. Divorce him, get the assets and support, THEN work on building a career. Arrange that karma *for* him.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I will tell you something…start working, but keep your finances separate.

    You must work, because the longer you stay away the harder it will be to get back.

    BUT, do work part time only. I am not sure of your husband’s reasoning on why you need to get back to work. If you earn, maybe he can reduce his alimony check on that basis because he can prove that your money is flowing in too, and boo he has mortgages to pay for.

    Liked by 1 person

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