Relief

Life feels a little upended which I suppose is to be expected. It feels strange not be charting my period and be consumed by all things fertility. I couldn’t even tell you when my period is due that’s how much my focus has changed. I feel like I’ve come out of one fog and into another. 
Part of me feels relief if I’m honest. Ivf was so all consuming and I willingly had my life on hold in many areas. It’s not that I want a second child any less and I know the yearning is still there, I just feel like a weight has been lifted. A few short weeks ago I was all set to go ahead with embryo banking by doing 3-4 rounds of ivf. As much as I wanted a positive outcome I was dreading what I knew the next few months would bring. 
I don’t know that my heart has come to terms with this really being the end of my chances for another child. I know that I wish that my last pregnancy didn’t end the way it did and a big part of me regrets that that will forever be the one that almost was. It’s a horrible way to go out.  
I’m also dreading having to cull and pack all my baby gear before we move. I keep putting it off. I think I’m going to take it all with me and then sift through it when my heart is ready. 
One thing at a time. 

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4 thoughts on “Relief

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