My heart breaks for her

My baby started kindergarten today. She went happily playing with her little friends. I didn’t shed a tear like I thought I would. Not till I walked back in the door at home. 
The feeling was overwhelming and I can’t work out whether it’s the sadness accompanying my daughter starting on her adventure or the desolation I feel feeling like I’ve just lost my husband too. I’m so angry at him for that. Something that should be a happy occasion has become tainted by betrayal. I’m so lost. 
He told me he was going to talk to me this week about separating but I found out his deceit beforehand. The idiot reasoned that now would be a good time to lay this on me. My only child is starting school, I’m still reeling from losing our baby, I’m struggling to keep this depression intact but feel that these meds aren’t working. I feel like my heart has shut up shop for good. 
We are going to couples counselling tomorrow. Not necessarily for saving our marriage but in order to at least mend our relationship to the point that we can be amicable for the sake of our daughter. She is worth everything. My heart breaks for her. She loves her daddy so much and I feel that I owe it to her to at least try and fix it. I’m so lost. 

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9 thoughts on “My heart breaks for her

  1. I am really sorry that it has come to this. I hope you can both find a way to be amicable for the sake of your daughter. I feel really angry on your behalf though! Wish that he could have suggested counseling ages ago before anything happened and put your marriage and family first. Hugs. x

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Man, the hits just keep on coming! I’m so sorry your going through this but better days are coming! Your heart will heal, I promise you that.
    As much as I despise this man who I know nothing about other than he is a rotten dirty bastard.. I can understand you wanting to have some sort of relationship for the sake of your daughter. As hateful as what he did is.. I can’t imagine a man not loving his child and I suppose the worse thing that could happen is that he becomes damaged for her too. I have seen friends try to pit the father against the child and while the father may have done something horrible like cheat, a child always needs both parents in their lives. (unless of course there is abuse)
    Anyway, I guess what I’m trying to say is that it sounds like you’re going about this in the best way for your daughter and that’s to be admired. You’re a strong woman. And no matter what, your daughter will always have your back. and in years to come, she may discover what a horrible thing your husband did to you. But natural discovery will probably be the best option.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. I found out about my husbands emotional affair 1 month after the birth of my first daughter. In fact, the other woman came to the hospital to bring us dinner one of the nights. I occasionally look at my daughter and cry because I want to give her the world, and sometimes I go to a dark place in my mind and feel that I may not be able to. I just try to look at the bright side and I keep telling myself that NO MATTER WHAT I must be strong for my daughter. Seriously, I know you are so fresh to this pain, but time DOES bring clarity… it doesn’t heal.. or at least I’m not experiencing the healing properties of time yet… but it DOES bring clarity. Above all ELSE please be strong for yourself.

    Liked by 1 person

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