It’s so strange that I had a dream a week ago where I was talking to a psychic and she told me that I’d have a major gut wrenching situation up ahead. I recall laughing it off and replying ‘don’t worry I’ve already been there and had that’, referring to my medical termination of my much wanted baby. She said ‘no that’s not it, there’s more to come.’ That was the end of the dream. Freaky!
It’s been 48 hours since I found out the news that my husband of 6 years and partner for 22  has been having an affair amid all my treatments last year of IVF. It also continued through my pregnancy and even the very day of my termination, the worst day of my life. November 4th, a date etched in my memory forever. When I saw the date and their messages to each other on that day, well I can’t even describe the feeling. I went into theatre and 20 mins later he’s messaging her to say what time he ‘could get out of there.’ They then proceeded to spend the day and much of the evening together, reminding her to wear a summer dress and telling me he had a meeting he HAD to attend. My mum picked me up and took me home. 
I’ve lost my faith in everything right now. 


18 thoughts on “Betrayal

  1. You are not alone. You are surrounded, no matter where you are, by other betrayeds who are walking this nightmare. We are here, reading, grieving with you. We know the pain, the crazy, the love/hate/hurt/self-blame/darkness/anger/fear/not-breathing that you are going through, and we will stand with you. Be kind to yourself, and find a good, safe person in the ‘real world’ as andstilltherewerethree encouraged. And keep writing. Such hugs to you.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. The more I hear about this man, the more I want to buy a 3000 dollar plane ticket and fly to Australia (I believe that is where you are right?) and just be there for you (and maybe break a few legs). Please know that so many of us are here for you, but I agree.. I hope you have a close friend or family member to reach out to. You seem so strong and have kept so many things to yourself.. But THIS, is when you need extra support to get through these next dark days. And you also need to let him know that you know whats going on. I can’t imagine what the piece of shit is going to say to you. He should feel the lowest of the low. This is just the worst situation you could imagine yourself in.

    Take care of yourself and your daughter. The two of you are the most important thing right now. again, so sorry you are dealing with this.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. This makes me want to cry! I just can’t! I’m so sorry! I know the pain and emotional agony we have to endure and for someone to do that while we struggle is just unbearable! There is no excuse! So very sorry. Wishing you strength.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Oh my goodness. What an awful awful thing, a horribly cowardly thing, horrendous and inconceivable, especially considering all you were going through! You are much stronger than you know. Motherhood has made you a soldier. I am so sorry. The betrayal mustxc

    Liked by 1 person

  5. November 4th is my wedding anniversary….

    Cheaters compartmentalize very well. You were losing a baby, which was his too….but hey, a beach day with a whore is peachy! Where are you in this grand scheme of things? Why did he not see your suffering? Why did his narcissism and assholery did not emerge before it was too late for you.

    Knowing how violating infertility treatments are, I completely empathize with your shattered reality.

    Liked by 1 person

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