Dreams

I rarely dream or at least if I do they aren’t memorable. Lately I have had many and some are disturbing.
I dreamt I was at the airport going on a trip with my husband and daughter but somehow I lost my bag. It was sheer panic. I couldn’t get on the plane without my bag and I was in desperation looking everywhere for it. My husband was cranky that is misplaced it. I was so upset wondering what to do.
I dont need a dream book to interpret my dreams as I usually know exactly what they are trying to tell me. This one my bag was a metaphor for my baby. The emotion was strong.
Another one I had featured a snake (my most feared animal). I was being chased around the neighbourhood relentlessly by it. I was terrified. It was my biggest fear come to actualisation much like my baby loss. I’ve had a few more with snakes featured in them but the details are hazy.
Last night i dreamt I was staying at my parents house and my brother was trying to kill me with an axe. He was festering in his room. I could hear devil music, smell marijuana and sense his anger towards my mum and I. We locked all the doors but he used the axe to break in through the walls. I think I woke up then. This dream was disturbing and I cant analysed it but I think it’s just the fear I feel, not with my brother but just fear itself. I don’t know.
I’m trying to welcome my dreams as hopefully they will help heal me regardless of them being nightmares. Maybe they are helping me process everything and I wanted to note them down here.

It’s funny but I feel I don’t want to miss a detail of this stage of my life however horrible the details are. I feel I need to chronicle it to at least pay homage to the enormous loss I feel. I feel I owe to it her. I can’t let it all become a blur of emptiness.

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4 thoughts on “Dreams

  1. These dreams sound terrifying. I’m so sorry you are going through this. I do think letting yourself process all of these emotions is important to the grieving process. While I can’t say I know what you are going through, I do know that when I have grieved losses I always felt it was important to be in the moment with the pain. I am wishing you healing and peace and lots of support. ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

  2. The one with your brother and the axe following you around the house sounds a lot like an interpretation of boundary issues. You’re trying to keep something out of your life (maybe anger?) and you’re having a hard time doing it… I have similar dreams where I’m trying to lock a door as someone is coming up the stairs and the door won’t shut all the way…

    Liked by 1 person

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