Well here I am.
I had our first appointment with the obstetrician yesterday, the same one who delivered our daughter 4.5 years ago. She did an ultrasound and I saw the fluttering heartbeat. I exhaled a little. I told her how anxious I was feeling this time around and she acknowledged it but she’s not the type to utter reassurances. She’s pretty straight forward and more of a ‘get the job done’ type of person which is fine and I think actually calms me down a bit.
She organised all the scans and blood tests I would need and said she would induce me at 38 weeks of I hadn’t given birth by then. This came as a surprise and she explained it’s to minimise the risk of still birth with me being over 40 and 41 at the time I’ll be giving birth. This freaked me out a little. Apparently from 38 weeks gestation the risk increases with each passing week. Here I was thinking we could relax after our 12 week screening.
On the advice of our fertility specialist we had a harmony test done this week. It’s a non invasive blood test that screens for chromosome abnormalities 21, 18 and 13 and also tests for x & Y chromosome. It’s a test done from 10 weeks gestation. It has a higher abnormality detection rate then the standard ultrasound and blood tests carried about between 11 and 13 weeks. It is still just a screening method not a diagnostic one like the more invasive tests. We are hoping and praying for a low risk result coming through from our test. I’d really hate to have to go through with an invasive test considering the chances of miscarriage associated with the procedures. It seems I’m getting ahead of myself though…typical!
Our obstetrician asked our daughter, who I had with me at the appointment whether she wanted a little brother or sister. I had meant to discreetly mention to the doc that we hadn’t discussed the pregnancy with her yet and were holding off till we get results from the screening. A little late for that now as she instantly had a million questions for me.
Is there really a baby in your tummy mummy?
See I told you there was a baby in there.
Mummy I would really like a little baby sister.
Mummy how long till the baby is here?
I couldn’t help but smile at her she was so excited but I was a little annoyed at the doctor.
The pessimist in me is still so frightened of losing this baby. I don’t want to jinx this pregnancy in anyway. I’ve even been reluctant to blog the past few weeks through fear of a jinx. Saying it out loud makes me realise how pessimistic I really sound.
There was tears today when I spoke to a girlfriend about the appointment and about her plan of inducing me and the still born risk. I just want to be able to exhale. When will that be. This is harder than I thought it would be.
I’m so grateful, beyond grateful really that I’ve been blessed with this pregnancy, but I’m equally as frightened. This I didn’t expect so much.
Just have to take it day by day, look for the good in everything and trust that all is as it should be.
Much love and light to you all xx