4 weeks 6 days 

I’m in a weird place right now. I’m pregnant but I still feel exactly the same tug and pull of emotions as I have during this whole IVF process. I’m only allowing myself to feel a little happy over this pregnancy as the other half of my brain is in protest telling me not to get too excited yet. 
The excited part of me has calculated the due date and casually scrolled through baby name lists. The worried part of me cringes everytimr somebody asks me how our last IVF cycle went. I can’t lie to my friends but truthfully I am reluctant to tell people at this early stage through fear of what might happen. I say something like ‘yes we got a positive but it’s early days.’ I can see they are as shocked at my news as I am. Then I start to think that at least if it turns out to not be a viable pregnancy I will have support from friends that I didn’t have so much before with our previous loss. I just feel raw, vulnerable and exposed. 
I’m wishing away all the weeks till we hit the 12 week mark. Then I can breath, get excited and share our news with confidence. 

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15 thoughts on “4 weeks 6 days 

  1. Congratulations! This stage is the hardest I think. I was in a permanent state of anxiety. But… I’m 21 weeks now and beginning to accept it. It’s a gradual process and you just have to take it one day at a time. Hugs. Xx

    Liked by 1 person

      1. You probably are being overly pessimistic but we all deal with past loss in our own ways. It has taken me ages to “embrace” this pregnancy and although I’m almost there I wouldn’t say I’m 100%. And I’m 21.5 weeks! So just take it one day at a time and do what you can. Xx

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  2. I think these are entirely normal feelings given your circumstances. If I was to be lucky to fall pregnant again I would be also feeling the same, I’m sure of it. I really, really hope things work out this time though. You gotta show me how it’s done!! We’re all cheering for you. xxx

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      1. Well I never had nausea and that always worried me. I found this really random paper that says women of a certain age (i.e. my age) if they don’t have nausea they are a lot more likely to have a miscarriage. So my point is nausea is GOOD!! Embrace the feeling ill and future puking! xx

        Liked by 1 person

  3. I found this stage to be so difficult. I too wished away the weeks until I was 12 weeks. I did find it got a little easier each week. I’m now at 14weeks and starting to believe this may actually happen. Sending you positive vibes that the weeks pass quickly so you can have that piece of mind.

    Liked by 1 person

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