The days are long but the years are short…

I feel like a complete metamorphosis is coming, or maybe I feel as though there has to be. Everything feels so disjointed right now. Infertility has changed me in countless ways. I don’t think I can ever be me again, there has to be a new me, or else who am I? What am I to become? Someone who just continues to look behind them. The person who lives in the ‘could of beens’ and the ‘if onlys?’
I feel as though my values have shifted. Importance I seemed to place on certain things in my life now seem hollow to me. I recognise this hollowness in a lot of things and I don’t know if its a bit of depression showing its face or a sign that I need a change of direction in many areas in my life. It’s a strange place to be. I’m struggling to find meaning in a lot of areas.
Next year my daughter starts school. It’s true what you hear that ‘the days are long, but the years are short.’ I keep catching myself thinking about this year perhaps being the only year I have left with my baby with me. Yes I know there is hope that I’ll have another, maybe I’ll be beyond blessed and have another but I can’t help but think about the possibility of it not happening. Sure, that’s a little negative thinking right there but is it not only natural to think these things? I started this blog to express my feelings regardless of whether my thoughts are what they should be or not. No point censoring at this point.
The mere thought of not being able to have another makes me want to grab every moment with my daughter with greedy hands, quit my job and spend every waking moment with her. It makes me want to stay awake at night and sit staring at her, soaking up her perfection.
Trying to find meaning in your struggles I suppose is pointless, especially when your in the midst of it.

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2 thoughts on “The days are long but the years are short…

  1. everyone struggling with infertility faces these feelings – maybe its just the very thought of not being able to have it makes us more greedy for it. maybe it is really the craving for what we dont have or cant have that drives us towards this insanity. Until i didnt know i wasnt fertile, i was never this uninterested in life. i used to enjoy every day and every thing. now everything is just the baby making nonsense. if we were to forget this baby making and concentrate else where – maybe we would succeed more easily. then again we are only human beings and we really cant divert our minds so easily 😂😂😂

    Liked by 1 person

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