Blah! That’s all! 

I get annoyed with myself often. Then I get annoyed at myself for being annoyed at myself. I can see there’s no logic there, but still I remain caught up in this vicious merry go round that I put myself on.
I feel a strange mix of emotions the past few days. I feel a sense of relief that I don’t have to take any more meds for a while and I’m happy enough with the results of the egg retrieval. I managed to make a big improvement to my egg quality. I feel a shimmer of hope, but I can’t seem to relax into it.
Having to freeze my eggs and the delay that caused has thrown me for 6. We are going on a European holiday in 10 days and the timing would of been that I could of taken a pregnancy test just before I went. Possibly being in early, high risk pregnancy in a foreign country I know would of been less than ideal.
So fate now has it that this process is being dragged out. I’m in no better situation. The reality of it all still sits heavily on my shoulders.
I’ve been so strict with my nutrition the past few months which I believe has helped my egg quality. People keep telling me that the delay is good as I can relax and enjoy my holiday, have a few wines and think about it all when I get back. I understand this in theory but I know I’ll be thinking about how annoyed I’ll be with myself about deviating from my good eating plan. It’s not just about weight gain but about the transfer and the effects it might have on its success or failure. I’ve been trying to keep my endometriosis at bay through eliminating sugar which will ease up a lot of the inflammation not ideal for embryos, especially for transfer.
So I’m annoyed at a lot of things. I’m annoyed that with every wine or sugary treat I’ll be giving myself a hard time when I want to be enjoying my holiday like a normal person. I’m annoyed that I can’t think like a normal person. I’m annoyed that I have to go through any of this! Annoyed, annoyed at all of it!!
Blah!! That’s all!!


11 thoughts on “Blah! That’s all! 

  1. i know your feelings – i am also on strict diet and seeing others gulp down anything and everything makes it hard and those ppl pop out babies every yr or so 😂
    but lets not be hard on ourselves and ruin our chances further. Enjoy your holiday by dressing up sexy and beautiful – seeing urself look good will make u feel good . Enjoy the chirping of thr birds, the scenery and most importantly THE MOMENT .
    moments dont last, enjoy your family time and just be grateful.
    All the things that we dont eat or drink are for our very own benefit. It will be all worth it soon – you will see 🙂 then u will immediately forget abt these rough and tough moments

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Enjoy your holiday. You deserve a break! Take in all the beauty of wherever you are going and think of it as better preparing your body for whats to come. I sometimes wish we had done a holiday before we started this whole mess because I sure could use one thats for sure.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Haha you are so funny, being annoyed at being annoyed!!! I’m kind of at the same stage – I don’t want to undo all the good work I’ve been doing, so dunno if it helps, but the way I’ve been doing it is just relaxing the rules a bit and ‘dipping my toes off the wagon’ (e.g. the odd 1/2 glass of wine just to taste the sweet nectar, and a few sips of my husbands beer etc) ….. and now I’ve started FET meds, I’ve stopped drinking (and chocolate) again….. it was so good being fertility drug free – My body stopped feeling bloated and tired – enjoy it whilst it lasts!! 🙂 Great news about the egg quality by the way!! – great work!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes I think restricting yourself so much makes this process even harder. Obviously the cleaner the diet the better but I just want to be able to relax and not think about the consequences for a bit. Omg chocolate! It makes life worth living lol xx good luck with your FET xx

      Liked by 1 person

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