Cycle 3 update

I feel obliged to update on all the ins and outs of this journey but what really feels like it needs to purged is all the emotion pent up, which feels as though it is sitting right at my chest.
That is the reasoning behind this blog for me. I need this outlet to purge all the feelings inside, both negative and positive. Im not the type of person to discuss my innermost thoughts with friends or family. Sure I’ll discuss the ins and outs with close friends that know about this journey im on but I’m not apt to talk about how much I’m really struggling. One of my very best friends that I’ve known for 20 years said to me the other day that I don’t seem to let things affect me much. She couldn’t be more wrong. I feel like I’ve let everything affect me. I must be better at hiding my struggles than I thought. Funny how people perceive us isn’t it. Even those closest to us.

I’m noticing my anxiety around my daughter is well alive. I have this horrible fear that something bad will happen to her, I’ve had it for a while now. I’ve had therapy about it. It’s still there. I’m trying all the things the therapist suggested and some days it helps other days it doesn’t.
I know I have to try to talk myself down from the anxiety and think about how realistic it is that the thing I’m worried about will actually happen. My fears seem to be centred around leaving her with anyone. Watching her drive off in a car, a friend taking her for a 5 min walk to the shop, leaving her with my mum when I go to work, that type of thing. It’s pretty paralysing the feeling sometimes. I can’t focus on anything else, just the feeling of dread in my stomach. The intensity comes and goes.
Hypnotherapy seems to be going well. I listen to the recorded session as often as I can. It’s only half an hour but it makes a difference for me. A lot of the time I don’t recall what was said in the session but apparently my subconscious hears it all anyway so it still works. Strange concept isn’t it.
I feel lately as though I’m in my own head a lot. I don’t have much energy for conversing. It’s pretty all encompassing this IVF thing.
Looking forward to this cycle being over and hopefully being a success.
Love and light to you all xx


6 thoughts on “Cycle 3 update

  1. A blog is the best place for purging our feelings! Keep us posted on cycle 3. I’ll likely be on my 3rd IVF cycle in the next few months. Sending positive thoughts your way!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I must say this blogging feels very necessary right now as I don’t think I could verbalise all these feelings to someone if I tried without becoming a blubbering mess.
      Lots of luck to you on cycle 3 too. We will have to keep up to date with each other’s progress. Thanks for your kind thoughts xx


  2. i hope your cycle works for you . and dont let your fear affect you so much – see if anything is meant to happen to u, me , ur daughter or anyone – no human being can stop it from happening. stop beating yourself for everything – you’re just a normal human being – dnt try to take control of all the things and then give urself stress over them . Take a deep breath and just enjoy what you have now .

    Sending lots of hugs and positive thoughts your way 😘

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Ah I love your main image/message for the post. I think anxiety is a big part of IVF due to the drugs. I found that high estrogen levels made me very anxious and I would think about things very very deeply and couldn’t stop worrying/seeing the negative side of things. Don’t be hard on yourself for having those emotions/feelings…they are totally normal in this crazy stressful process. Once you realise that its ok to feel these things you can feel them fully and then after a short while they won’t feel so bad and you’ll be able to relax (well that’s how it works for me anyway).

    Liked by 1 person

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