Take the fool out of me 

I cant help but feel as though my life is a series of sliding doors with alternate routes leading to different possible outcomes in m life. Lately I feel a sense of panic that the door where I want access to is sliding shut too quickly, locking away my dreams of a second child with them.
Time passes by and I feel like I’m no closer to my dreams realisation. Every decision is paramount lately and never has everything, every single step felt so important, so potentially life altering that it takes my breath away. I feel like I’m pulling out every stop lately to make this happen and the pressure in my heart is so intense that it feels too much, too late, too cynical…
So many different outcomes have led to this stage of my life. Truth be told I never thought I was super keen on having children. It wasn’t till I had my daughter that I realised what a true miracle it was I’d just been blessed with. It actually wasn’t until 2 years on after having my daughter I felt ready to have another. The first two years with her were beautiful but hard. I knew I wanted another but now it seems I was foolish in waiting so long.
I wish with all my heart that I’m not proven to be foolish. I hope so much that this door remains open for us and takes the fool out of me. I hope to god that I’m not left with just regret. I can’t be. Please. Please God take the fool out of me.

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10 thoughts on “Take the fool out of me 

  1. please dont be so hard on yourself.. take it easy. 💐
    You have your daughter to be happy about, God creates us when He wills. you never created your daughter and even if you had tried for baby 2 sooner , u would still not have baby 2 today. Rather you would have been more frustrated if you had tried earlier because it means a longer struggle for baby 2.

    Calm down and dont despair. I have been through this terrible phase and trust me IT DOESNT HELP. it only makes chances slim.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I have a similar situation. So grateful for our 4 year old daughter but had such a tough time in her first couple of years. We didn’t start trying again until she was nearly two. We can’t change what was – we just weren’t ready. Our mental health is of crucial importance not only for ourselves but also the children we are lucky enough to have. There is nothing wrong with the fact that you prioritised that. Ultimately, I’m not sure if starting a few months sooner would have made the difference. But I understand what you’re feeling.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Yes regrets dont get you anywhere do they. I’m working on releasing my feeling of regret through hypnosis at the moment. It’s such a heavy, shitty feeling to carry around. Thanks for your comment. It’s nice to have understanding xx

    Like

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