So I had my first hypnotherapy session last night. I’m not entirely sure how i feel about it yet.
A friend from work suggested i go see her hypnotherapist as she claimed he helped cure her of chronic insomnia.
I felt at ease with him straight away and we spoke about what I wanted help with. It felt like a therapy session in that he delved into my health, events surrounding my health, triggers for my anxiety and my past history of anxiety. He down about half an hour chatting with me about these things and reasons that I’ve been given as to why we can’t conceive the second time around. I spoke about my age, my miscarriage, my endometriosis and resulting surgery that left me with one follopian tube, my husbands health and my desire to manage my stress levels and maintain positive thinking throughout this next IVF cycle.
He started asking more details on my miscarriage and hit a raw spot. I had a cry and explained that the feeling I had was sitting right there in my chest, suffocating me. I spoke about acknowledging the feeling in my chest as guilt. I blame myself for losing the baby. I know that I feel this and I know that it’s tattooed everything but I can’t let it go. I keep replaying everything in my mind leading up to the miscarriage. It’s a heave burden that’s getting harder and harder to carry around with me everywhere I go.
He explained that to move forward I need to begin to see it as an unfortunate event that has happened. I can no longer let it dictate what I’m deserving or not deserving of. I need to release the cycle of thoughts I have attached to it, get rid of my baggage, say my goodbyes and welcome new life.
I need to work on changing my ingrained responses to events in my life that have been learnt overtime and his belief is that through hypnosis and re training my subconscious mind, the re programming happens alot quicker than with conventional therapy.
The rest of the session was the actual hypnosis. We worked on releasing the feelings of guilt attached to my miscarriage and also the guilt I have associated with my mum (a whole other story for another time) and the guilt I have with my husband and his health and financial woes. I was aware and can recall all the details and different stages during the hypnosis. I’ll endeavour to write more detail on the hypnosis later but for now I just wanted to get this stuff down in writing so I can process it.
When I awake I felt calm and slept well last night. I recall him giving me instructions on how I would feel when I woke up today. I’d feel lighter, I’d change my routine slightly, I’d feel better. I’m analysing my thoughts today a bit but I’m just going to relax and see how the week progresses. I go back to see him next week. I’ll be really happy if I can feel a lightness about myself again.