We’re building a house soon. I know I should be excited. It’s been on the agenda for a long time. My husband is excited. He just showed me the plans of the new house and in talking about the bedrooms he gave the five rooms their purpose. The main bedroom which is ours, our daughters room the 2nd largest, (insert awkward pause here and swallow a lump in my throat) 3rd room the IRONING ROOM, 4th room the guest room, 5th room study.
It seems even he doesn’t think that the possibility of us having another child will happen. Instead what could of been may never be. The room should of been for a baby, one to complete our family but instead will accomodate ironing. Can’t cope.
No I can’t get excited about the house. All I can think about is moving in and standing at that ‘could of’ been doorway with a longing that never ends. I don’t want 5 bedrooms to remind me of the emptiness of them. My world is totally consumed with ivf treatments and this feeling that my prayers will go answered. Fuck infertility!!
Infertility nonsense 
I totally relate. We stopped our house building project because there was no point us 2 building a 4 bedroom house for us and our 3 cats. So ours is on hold for now and we will take it up again later. Your situation might be more urgent though as you have your daughter. Maybe also it’s not the house specifically but the grief has its tentacles around you right now. You know that’s ok too. You’re allowed to feel sad and angry and all the other feelings.
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Thank you xx
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It’s completely fair enough that you don’t feel excited about this right now. You thought that a new baby would be part of this new home and right now that is not guaranteed. You never know what the future holds though, right? Is it possible that for your husband the new home is something he can control and ‘can do’ for his family – not that he isn’t also extremely sad that there may not be a nursery (my husband has told me when pressed that he is also devastated that we haven’t had another baby but generally chooses to channel his energy elsewhere). My final comment is that whatever happens please don’t have a whole room devoted to ironing in your home (unless you really love ironing)!!
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Haha!! No I’m no lover of ironing so that won’t be happening š thanks for the giggle and your kind words xx they do tend to handle it different don’t they
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i can totally understand you. even my future baby’s room is an ironing room atm but be positive that there is a room waiting for your baby’s arrival. Remain faithful and strong. Becoming sad makes us hopeless about life. take care of yourself š
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