Have I mentioned how much I hate this infertility bullshit? It’s all I can think about and I’m going through a stage (hopefully just a stage 😁) where I think everything and everyone is bullshit!! If I could escape from all of this and go live under a rock I’d consider it right now.
Everybodys stuff just seems insignificant to me right now and if I hear one more irrelevant statement/ small talk crap/ self obsessed thought verbalised etc I’ll scream and maybe internally implode.
I guess I’m at the anger stage. I’m angry, feeling sorry for myself, trying to remain optimistic, trying not to be too optimistic, preparing for the worst, preparing for the best, trying to keep myself busy but not too busy that I elevate my stress levels, trying to focus on my health but not obsess, trying to trust in my new RE but conduct my own research, get my husband to appointments but not stress him by taking him out of work too much, not take EVERTHING too personally. Every comment and insinuation from friends regarding IVF is starting to annoy me. I get that they are trying to help but seriously how about a filter before you speak?
I’m angry at myself that i can’t stick to a clean eating plan and I continue to put on weight. Motivation where the fuck are you?? If I can’t pull out all the stops on the nutrition side of things now, when it’s of upmost importance what chance do I have? I’ve had the discipline before when the odds were a lot less but can’t seem to pull it together now. My naturopath thinks that maybe it’s not what my body needs right now…he may be right but I don’t want to look back and stew on the fact that I didn’t do everything I could to make this next cycle a success. There’s only a few factors in my control and what I put into my mouth is one of them. It’s the lack of control over this that is SO hard to cope with.
Now that feels a bit better.
Heres to tomorrow being a better day. If your having a shitty day out there just remember to breath. Tomorrow is a chance to start fresh xx